Conquering the Fear of Being Seen

We all crave connection, but what if a deep-seated fear holds you back? The fear of being seen, truly seen, is a trauma that is rarely talked about.

"Would they even like the real me?" 

"What if I'm not good enough?" 

"What if they end up betraying me?" 

These anxieties can send you down a rabbit hole of self-protection, making you build walls to hide behind. Maybe you become a perfectionist, constantly striving for an impossible flawlessness. Or a people-pleaser, twisting yourself into knots to gain approval. Sometimes it even leads to self-abandonment, neglecting your own needs to avoid being seen as "too much."

Sound familiar? Let’s get to the root of this fear and how you can overcome it.

Common patterns when you have a fear of being seen

Firstly, let's talk about common patterns for those grappling with the fear of being seen. Often, this fear manifests in perfectionism and people-pleasing. We strive for perfection and independence to avoid criticism and to feel worthy. We may present a flawless exterior, suppressing our true selves, while inwardly battling feelings of inadequacy. 

Self-abandonment frequently follows, where our needs become secondary to others to avoid being “too much” or “selfish.” These behaviors are survival mechanisms rooted in fear.

The traumas that lead to fear of being seen

A history of being highly criticized and invalidated often sets the stage for people who are afraid of being seen. Emotional neglect can sow deep-seated beliefs that one’s emotions and needs are insignificant or burdensome. This invalidation creates adults who struggle to assert their worth or desires, leading to self-isolation and masking their true selves to evade potential criticism or rejection.

How to work on your fear of being seen

Working on this fear involves tender inner child work. It's about re-establishing a nurturing relationship with that part of ourselves conditioned to hide. This requires patience, kindness, and consistent dialogue with our inner little girl. 

Additionally, being part of a supportive community can facilitate this journey. Engaging with safe people who understand and don't rush to judgment is important. Our Healed and Loved Women Retreat offers a curated space, addressing these traumas in-depth, and fostering sisterhood and healing.