Tired but Still Here: The Complexities of Staying in Difficult Relationships

You know that bone-deep exhaustion that comes from being the only one trying to make a relationship work? Today, I want to talk about something I see all too often in my coaching practice and in social media—why strong, capable women stay in relationships long after their energy is depleted. It's a pattern that crosses all boundaries of age, success, and experience level. Even the most accomplished women find themselves stuck in this cycle, wondering how they got here and questioning if they're asking for too much by wanting more.

Understanding the Comfort Trap

Let's be honest about how these relationships often start—with a sense of familiarity that feels like home. There's nothing wrong with comfort, but here's what I've noticed: what feels familiar isn't always healthy. 

We stay because the known exhaustion feels safer than the unknown possibility of starting over. We tell ourselves "at least he's not..." and fill in the blank with something worse, as if not-terrible is the bar we should be aiming for. This comfort trap is especially sneaky because it often disguises itself as wisdom; we think we're being mature by accepting imperfection, when really, we're settling for less than we deserve. The very things that make us feel safe can be the same things keeping us stuck.

The Weight of Emotional Labor

Somewhere along the way, we become the relationship's foundation. We're the ones scheduling the dates, managing the emotions, remembering the important details, and carrying the invisible load of making everything work. It's not just about being tired; it's about being tired of being the only one who seems to care about making things better. This imbalance shows up in countless ways: being the only one who initiates deep conversations, the only one who notices when connection is lacking, the only one trying to grow. We become relationship managers instead of partners, and that role is exhausting no matter how good we are at it.

The Physical Cost of Staying

Your body keeps the score, doesn't it? The headaches, the tension in your shoulders, the sleepless nights spent wondering if you're asking for too much. It's your body screaming what your heart hasn't been ready to hear. 

When was the last time you felt light, joyful, energized by your relationship instead of drained by it? The physical symptoms of staying in a draining relationship don't just affect your health; they start to impact every area of your life. Your work suffers, your friendships fade, and your zest for life slowly dims. The exhaustion becomes a lens through which you view everything else.

Choosing Yourself

Real love shouldn't feel like a second job. You don't need to earn it, manage it, or exhaust yourself trying to maintain it. 

This realization often comes in waves—first as a whisper, then as a knowing, and finally as an undeniable truth that demands action. The decision to choose yourself isn't selfish; it's necessary for your survival and eventual thriving.

Exhaustion isn't the price of admission to love. You deserve someone who matches your energy, who makes life lighter, not heavier. Because at the end of the day, a relationship should add to your life, not drain it of all its color. The right person won't require you to dim your light or deplete your energy just to keep them comfortable. Your vitality is not a resource to be drained in the name of love.