I am SO happy that you are looking to find a therapist to assist you in your healing process from love addiction, love avoidance, and sex addiction.
These disorders are heavily intertwined with the symptoms of Complex PTSD and other related traumas, so the continual support of a licensed mental health professional is paramount.
At the time that this resource page is being written, Love Addiction, Love Avoidance, and Sex Addiction are not (recognized and diagnosable conditions according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the formal guide used by licensed mental health practitioners and medical providers.
This means that if you were to search for this as a specialty, it would be very difficult to find someone who is knowledgeable and treats the ongoing compulsive to return to, create, or ruminate on destructive relationships as treatable disorder versus a sign that you are not committed or open to making change in your life.
We plan to assist with a love addiction treatment certification coming soon for practictioners and coaches, but in the meantime, here are our suggested therapy models to see specialists in to help treat all of the symptoms that play into love addiction and love avoidance.
My Favorite Methods for individuals:
-
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing.
Using Bilateral stimulation, an effective therapist under this model will help you clear traumatic thoughts, beliefs, and insecurities even if you cannot remember them or place where it started.
This is a leading model for PTSD and trauma treatment, and with love addiction being based in they symptoms of complex PTSD, this is the perfect fit.
This is designed to be a short term therapy in comparison to traditional talk therapy. There is an official certification for this treatment model. Like with all therapy models though, make sure that you feel comfortable and safe with your therapist.
I like EMDR for the treatment of love addiction and love avoidance because our childhood relational trauma and the Complex PTSD symptoms tied to that directly influences our love addictive and love avoidant coping mechanisms along with the limited beliefs caused by this trauma. EMDR is effectively in clearing this out.
-
Somatic therapy, also known as Somatic Experiencing Therapy or bodywork, is a therapy that aims to treat PTSD and other mental and emotional health issues through the connection of mind and body. This body-centric approach works by helping to release stress, tension, and trauma from the body.
Unlike standard mental health therapy, such as CBT which focuses prominently on the mind, somatic therapy incorporates body-oriented modalities such as dance, breathwork, and meditation to support mental healing.
In Somatic therapies, you will be invited to get still, become curious about what is happening in your body, and learn more about the mind body connection in relation to your trauma.
In addition, somatic experiencing therapy sessions include talk therapy and mind-body exercises.
I like Somatic Experiencing for the Treatment of Love Addiction & Love Avoidance because most of our acting out behaviors are unconscious and connected to our fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses caused by our childhood trauma. While cognitive based models and talk therapy is great at helping us feel supported and processing what is going on, talk therapy is not as effective at getting to the nervous system based impact of our symptoms which will reflexively have has either shutting down, fighting, engaging in codependent behaviors or avoiding the situation that is triggering us.
One should note that Somatic Experiencing based therapies work much slower than traditional therapy models and there may be sessions that you do not physically feel as if change has been made… but it has. Connecting to your nervous system is powerful work.
-
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a modified type of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) that combines mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal skills to help those who struggle with impulsivity, emotion regulation, and self destructive behaviors.
Originally intended to treat Borderline Personality Disorder, it has been adapted to treat other mental health disorders.
This is a great therapy model to assist with breaking down the triggers, the negative thoughts, the abandonment trauma, and sabotage techniques that come with love addiction. Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex PTSD have overlapping symptoms that often look like love addictive and love avoidant behaviors.
-
The 12 Step Model has been used internationally for almost a century by people of all backgrounds to treat addictions across the board from alcohol to drugs to work to sex and everything in between.
Though the 12 step model is not the right fit for everyone, having a therapist who is knowledgeable about addictions, how they work, and how to break down triggers will be exponentially helpful in helping you find recovery.
If 12 step is not the right fit for you, but you know you want someone who is knowledgeable about addiction models, do some research to find the one(s) that fit best for you then look for those key words in your therapist directories.
I like 12 step or similar addiction models due to the compulsive and reflexive nature of our love addictive and avoidant actions that we continue in spite of the consequences and beyond our personal willpower.
Insurance vs. Out-of-Pocket
We all want (and need) to be able to comfortably afford taking care of ourselves and our mental health. Unfortunately, as insurance companies are not all created equal and can often provide limitations on the amount of treatment you can receive, many therapists opt out of using insurance companies to protect your experience as a patient and to ensure they are able to provide the best quality of care.
With that said, you may find your perfect therapist who is within your network OR one that is outside of it and you may need to pay out of pocket.
If the latter is the case and you need financial accomodations, keep the following in mind:
If you have out-of-network benefits, you can still submit a receipt of your sessions to your insurance company of a partial reimbursement based on your insurance plan’s benefits.
Some therapists accept sliding scale clients which means they will see you for either a limited amount of sessions or indefinitely at a discounted rate. If you need to take a temporary financial period of relief, talk with her about if she has any options available.
Be open to seeing your therapist a few times a month versus weekly if that will help you be able to place this in your budget.
A few sessions a month with the right therapist is so much better than none OR going to someone who is a completely wrong fit causing more trauma and confusion just because they are in network.Before writing off a therapist because she’s not in network automatically, actually do the math to see if you can do it and adjust your regular budget.
I have often seen people not even explore out of network therapists without doing research simply because they are not covered by insurance because of a bias that someone out of network is automatically not accessible.
Your biggest blessing could be an out-of-network therapist. Connect with them and go for the right fit vs. making a snap decision.
A Few EXTRA TIPS:
To find a therapist who is trained in the method’s listed above, search for those terms in their bios, on their websites, and advertising pages.
While there may be clinicians who have all of these training and certifications, it is more common that a therapist may have one or two.
Remember that while certifications and trainings are important, it is MOST important that you feel safe and seen with your therapist. If your clinician is well renown, but you do not feel comfortable, it will not be a good fit.
So make sure you add that to your list of sought qualities in your therapist: “They make me feel comfortable”
It’s very important that you like your therapist and that you feel that they have genuine warmth with you.
Across research studies, it has been proven that it doesn't matter how deeply trained and experienced a therapist is, if the relationship with the client is fraught and filled with lack of trust and safety, it's not going to work.
However, please note that if you currently (or in the future) find you have a conflict arise with your therapist, but 98% of the time you have felt safe and supported, it is very likely that whatever comment or breach that happened is something that would be very helpful to talk about in therapy with your therapist to practice 1) showing up for yourself, 2) allowing others to show up for you, and 3) learning how to work through conflict with others versus run away. If this person has been your safe space, they should be able to have this conversation with you about it and it may do wonders for healing any unknown abandonment or hurt trauma that may have made this miscommunicationmore hurtful.
BUT, If you do not trust/like your therapist and feel unsafe with them, then do not waste your time and money. Find someone who gets you and makes you feel safe.
The length of time you stay in therapy is personal and determined by you and your therapist.
You can either choose to stay with that therapist long-term, especially if they make you feel safe, to reach your goals OR you may find that after achieiving a level of success, you need to pivot to someone who is specialized in the remaining issues. If you decide you need more, your current therapist may have referrals for you that would be a good fit.
Changing yout therapist should ALWAYS be discussed with your current therapist if you have had a successful relationship.
How you end relationships is part of your disorder. Cutting off a clinician, not saying goodbye, being afraid to say that you need a change are all the reasons why you are seeking support and help.
Related to the item above, be mindful of therapists who may use shame-based techniques and "gotchas" to get you to change your behaviors.
For those who do not understand love addictive patterns or are triggered by the symptoms, they may unconsciously shift out of professional technique to utilize guilt or shame based techniques to emphasize how you are destroying your life, not living up to your word, being inconsistent, etc.
All this does is reinforce earlier childhood trauma that you are not good enough.
Your therapist should be at a good balance of honest feedback and constructive criticism with also being your biggest cheerleader and a model of a healthy parent supporting you when you are imperfect and mess up (like we all do).
You should never feel bad, shamed, that you are "in trouble" or scared of your therapist.
If so, you may have been attracted to a practicioner who is exhibiting qualities of an abusive caretaker from your past which may explain why it feels so triggering.
THERAPIST DIRECTORIES:
Black Girls Heal Directory for Love Addiction Practitioners
(Coming Soon!)
Therapy for Black Girls Directory
therapyforblackgirlsheal.com/directoryMelanin & Mental Health Directory
melaninandmentalhealth.comPsychology Today
psychologytoday.com
If you are a therapist or coach and would like to be notified when our certification program is complete in order to join our directory, please email us at support@blackgirlsheal.org to be added to our waitlist.