Episode 247 - 3 Signs You've Grown and Are Healthier — Black Girls Heal

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In this episode, let’s discuss the importance of recognizing and celebrating personal growth. Reflecting on past conversations with coaching students, I explore three key signs that show how much you've evolved: pausing before reacting even when hurt, becoming open to alternative viewpoints, and feeling and validating your emotions. Alongside these insights, we discuss the impact of sharing emotions with safe individuals and re-evaluating your social circle for healthier relationships.

We have been very attuned to keep our focus on our shortcomings but rarely do we allow ourselves to celebrate the progress that we’ve been making in our inner work.

Tune in to learn how to acknowledge your progress, appreciate your journey, and break unhealthy patterns for a better tomorrow.

In this episode, we cover…

02:49 The inspiration for this episode
04:00 How labels from your past are keeping you stuck from growing
05:16 Why you should give yourself credit for the progress you've made
06:49 Why you need to pause before reacting
09:15 Are you open to seeing alternative perspectives?
10:21 A tool to use when you're triggered
14:43 Example of seeing the alternative perspectives in dating
16:41 Example of seeing the alternative perspectives in inner work
18:38 Feeling your emotions and validating them
20:15 Why people *don't care* about your emotions
21:14 What to do when you don't have safe people around you

How labels from your past are keeping you stuck

Labels from our past can keep you stuck and afraid of making mistakes in the future. These labels can also prevent you from acknowledging the growth we've made. It's so easy to be stingy with giving yourself compliments on your self-growth and self-love. Fear of looking foolish or repeating past mistakes often holds my students back from celebrating their achievements.

However, in healing work, it's important to always be growth-oriented and use language that focuses on how strong and amazing you are today. Be sure to give yourself credit for the steps you've taken and celebrate the progress you've made instead of waiting for yourself to be “perfect.”

Sign 1: Pausing before reacting

The first sign that you've grown as a person is that you pause before you react, even when your feelings are hurt. The fact that you take a moment to consider your response is huge. Changing automatic reactions and responses is incredibly difficult. Whether it's pausing before sending a long text, reconsidering cutting someone off, or resisting the urge to gossip, these are all things to acknowledge.

Sign 2: You’re open to seeing alternative perspectives

Being open to alternative viewpoints is another significant sign of growth. If you used to be very focused on how you felt and now you can consider the other person's side, that is progress. Checking the facts with people instead of jumping to conclusions is growth as well. This shift shows that you are willing to unlearn faulty behavioral analyses and defense mechanisms. It's essential to approach people with curiosity and genuine concern rather than accusations.

Sign 3: You’re feeling your emotions and validating them

The third sign is that you are able to feel your emotions and validate them. Many black women were taught to be resilient to the point of suppressing their emotions. Allowing yourself to feel and acknowledge your emotions is a huge milestone. Sharing your emotions with others, even if it takes a while, is evidence of your progress. If you're sharing with safe people who validate your feelings, that's an even bigger win.

Recognizing and celebrating these signs of growth is essential for your healing journey. You are different from who you were yesterday and even more so from who you were a year ago. Celebrate your progress, acknowledge your growth, and continue to move forward.

Resources mentioned in the episode:

Listen to Episode 208: How to Make Adult Female Friendships with Danielle Bayard Jackson
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